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It is SO important to let your partner know the impact they are having on you so they can choose the next, right thing. My personal favorites are “mercy” to slow down, and “red to stop the scene, no questions asked. Determine a word for when you need to slow down and a word for when you need to stop. This will likely be different for everyone, but if you don’t know where to begin, try choosing words that make sense within the scene. “If we’re going to play for 90 minutes, what five things would you like to experience?”įirst and foremost, discuss your safewords. A lot of times people will ask me what my limits are and for me, that’s a BIG turn-off… at least for the first “date.” It’s a lot better to start with specifics. My best advice is to negotiate things in instead of negotiating things out. It often leaves them feeling hurt, vulnerable, and helpless.įor others, punishment and consequence can be sweet absolution. How do you want to feel at the end of the scene? Is this punishment or a consequence? And if so, how does your partner feel about that?įor some, especially people who struggle with baggage around being punished as a kid, consequence play is NOT a turn-on. It’s equally important to examine the context behind the scene. What words or titles turn you on? What language turns you off?Īre there any hot buttons you don’t want to touch? Humiliation may be your cup of tea… but if your partner has been traumatized by catholic school punishments it may not be the best fit for a scene with them.ĭiscover what language is preferred - and what’s out of bounds - with questions like: However being “Daddy’s Good Girl” could be a turn on and encourage more “good behavior” Someone may LOVE being called a "naughty little slut… or it may trigger a shame spiral, pulling them out of the scene and into a bad headspace. The language you use within the scene has the ability to make it or break it. When it’s all said and done, how do you both want to feel?Īre there health issues or medication I should know about? Is there sex? Is there no sex? (Contrary to common belief, sex and BDSM don’t always have to be together.) Will you use toys? If so, what toys will you use? Here’s what to consider:įirst, determine the container you’re playing in. These fears are perfectly normal - but with the right planning and conversations beforehand they can be put to rest, freeing you and your partner up to have a rockin’ scene. When you enter this particular anxiety spiral, take a sec to stop and breathe. You’ve talked with your partner(s) and you both generally know what the other is comfortable with… but how will you know if you’ve gone too far? Or not far enough? What if you or your partner changes their mind mid scene? What if this turns into a negative experience - how will you and your partner recover? You may learn much more about your personality or your own interests when you are alone and maybe concentrate on the things that you actually want to get out of sexual experiences and any potential relationships that you later form.Ī BDSM Checklist template can be downloaded by clicking the link below.Negotiating a scene (or a previously planned, consented to, communicated BDSM event for those not in the know… yet □) can be one of the more intimidating things to navigate when you’re first getting into BDSM. However, this does not necessarily imply that someone requires a partner in order to find some sort of benefit from a BDSM checklist. You can also opt to pull back on something that you both may not find enjoyable and on the other hand, try something that neither of you have previously experienced. You may edit the BDSM checklist when your personal preferences and life events evolve, you can discuss this information with each other. This could make you more interested in something or draw attention to something you do just for your lover. Your shared passions and experience will be known to each other which is extremely important in a relationship.Ĭhecklists are a fantastic starting point if you are new to using BDSM because the possibilities accessible to you could be mind-boggling.Ĭurrent lovers might also benefit from a BDSM checklist. Of course, when you create a checklist, it aids in establishing a common ground with a new partner. Without registration or credit card BDSM Checklist: What Is It?Ī BDSM Checklist is a valuable form that you may complete with an individual that you are intimate with and utilize this form in your relationship.